Spring Break Journal 5

        On friday March 11, 2011 my mom and I spend the whole day together just having fun. She took off half  day at work and she wanted to do something with me, whatever we wanted to do. I love it when we do stuff together, we both are busy with work or something gets in the way. So when their is a day when no of us have anything to do, we make our own plans.  I have a strong connection with both my parents, but I love being around my mom the most. She does so much for everyone and she is a hard worker and gives everything 100%. So I like to think of our outing together is a chance for her to take a break from doing everything and just relax, I try not make her life that stressful with me. I like doing simple things like going to the movies and shopping or going to the book store or michael's craft store. To some people, they may think that these are just little shopping chores (like to-do list on weekends), but I don't mind it, as long as I'm with my mom I'm happy doing whatever we do. I guess the reason why I'm happy when I'm with my mom, is because I have spend most of my time being around her. When dad went to work at the restaurant, my mom was their with me and my brother and did everything for us (as well as my dad when he gets home).

     My mom is also a big inspiration to my work and just about anything I do. She helps me with getting my supplies, and helping me with some ideas for illustrations (I get her feedback on my illustrations) and other work. But above all she supports me every step of the way and will not make me give up on myself, when at times I feel like I'm not seeing myself getting better. She tells me how proud she is of me of what I accomplished on my own and how beautiful my work is coming along from how I was when I was younger. I don't think I would have be able to do anything without my mom and her love giving me the strength, courage and belief in myself to go this far on my own.

    Today we went to go have pizza, then go see Red Riding Hood, after that we went to the book store and other stores along the way. There was this new pizza place that was next to the movie theater, and my mom has heard good things about how good the pizza is, so she was excited on trying the pizza. It was funny that when I saw her smile and was all excited about this place and the pizza, I was also smiling and feeling a little bit excited to. At first I thought my mom was just doing this to be funny (which I think is also true), but she has been waiting to go to this place with someone, so I was her pizza buddy, and after that she will be my movie buddy. From my observation of why I was just as happy as my mom, was one a few reason. the first would be from that chapter in our Social Interaction book, about how our face mimic's the other person's face. Second was that the pizza was really good, even better than my dad's pizza (I better not tell him that), and third and this is the more important reason, is because I was happy for my mom. Seeing her happy not only bring a smile on my face, but I feel good inside, like a joy of accomplishment (no matter how silly it may be).

    But the joy and fun that my mom was having didn't stop at the pizza place. After the movies and Borders books store, we went to Goodwill to try and find a dress I can use for a costume party that I have to attend at the school, The Advant Garde. It was my mom's idea to dress me up as my own Red Riding Hood (after just seeing the movie and being inspired by it). I didn't think I would find the right stuff I need at such short notice, meaning before I fly back to Sarasota. But she proved me wrong and she could stop smiling and laughing at all the good things we found that worked perfectly for my costume. To describe my mom joy all put together, she was like a kid in a candy store, thats how much fun she was having in the store with me. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing at her for acting so funny and a little strange, I told her "Now I know where I get it from" she also laughed at that, because sometimes I can act silly in a store with her. This is also why I like being around my mom, we can have fun goofing off with each other and not care about other people.

Spring Break Journal 4

    Today my parents and my brother are working so that leaves me home with the dog all day. So on days when everyone has the car and I have no where to go, I do what I always do, watch movies and draw (or at least try to come up with something new to draw to increase my skills and portfolio). So this journal is going to be another self observation.  From watching many movies this week and my dvds, I have notice the reaction I get from watching them, just like in our Social Interaction class book. As mention in that chapter, when we see a reaction or emotion on that actor or from that scene, our face copies it. It's funny that after going to see so many movies over the years and now learning why I always get these feelings towards them, I thought it was just me.

   This week the movies i saw with my aunt were Beastly, Just Go With It (starting Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston), and the dvds that I watched was Megamind (with Will Ferrell, Tina Fey), and my all time favorite The Phantom of the Opera (staring Gerard Butler), different categories of film but they all gave me a reaction towards them. Just Go With It and Megamind are both comedy films and I love it when the characters/actors make me laugh. Their is something about them and their silly and crazy stunts that makes me smile and laugh, and it's that comedic charm that always gets people's attention and wanting more. In a animated movie like Megamind, it's easy to read their emotions on their face and listening to the actor's tone in their voice helps bring that character to life and makes them believable. Every time I see this movie, their is the one scene that gets me every time. When the character Roxanne Richie is tied up to a building by this new villain and just when all hope seems lost, something is happening in the sky. The clouds become darker, lights are flickering in the clouds and with in the clouds is the siloutette shape of Megamind's head and he's calling out to this new villain and says "Who dare's challenge Megamind". When the screen goes back to Roxanne face (a close up shot) and she has a sign of relif and joy on her face that he came back for her. When I see her smile, I feel me face start to smile to at seeing Megamind. It was after watching that part of the movies that I remembered what we learned in that Social Interaction book.

    The movie The Phantom of the Opera, is my all time favorites that touches my heart and I fall in love listening and watching both movie and the play over and over again. You would think with any movie that someone watches over and over that they would get tired of it, not me and not with this movie. Their is something magical about this movie that gets me every time, maybe it the actors, good story, great music, who knows. But what I know for a fact is that this movie has inspired me to draw this kind of theme, the theme of a mask mysterious stranger and a girl being the only light in his life and the only one to open his heart. And he brining something new and exciting to the girl that no one else could come close to give. I may have mentioned something similar to this in my other blog journal, but I think that just proves how strong this movie has it's hold on me. I think anyone who is a fan of this movie (or who isn't a fan, but has seen the movie) can easily relate to how strongly this movie, and the character The Phantom draws you into this world.

 

     When I watch the character The Phantom (Erik), I'm drawn to his mysterious and sad look in his eyes (through the mask). Relating back to our class book, I think there was a chapter that talks about how we are drawn to people's eyes. I always believe that the eyes tell the truth than words. Towards the end of the movie, the Phantom has his mask off revealing his deformed side of his face and he watches his only love of his life leave him for another. In his eyes there is so much sadness that it hurt to even watch, sometimes I don't watch the end of the movie, just so I don't feel bad about him being heartbroken and alone again. So that in my mind he gets the girl (and she should have stayed him with, if you ever get the chance to watch the movie or see the play, you can easily see that they love each other) and he's never alone again. I think another reason why I feel a connection to this movie and that character is because I can easily relate to that longing for love and to find someone that understand me and does care about the outside appearance.  That is the kind of love I hope to find one day or that someone will find me and show me something that I never see or experienced before. 

   This is what happens when I'm alone in my house watching movies, I think to much. But I can't stay away from watching movies because it's not about who is playing the roles, how great the special effects. It's all about the story and the flow and movement of those characters that help bring the story to life and make it something special and rememberable. 

Spring Break Journal 3

       Since my spring break is being back at home, I'm taking this opertunity to relax and get back into drawing things that makes me happy, without the fear of being graded. Being at home, I'm the boss and I feel more confident when I'm in a familiar setting. This is my observation on how I am when I'm back home, and when I feel like drawing for myself and not have try and impress anyone.

       But while I am home, I like to watch TV to help take my mind off things, but lately I have been finding more and more disturbing things on the news and it all leads to Charlie Sheen. My mom and I like watching his show Two and a Half Men, he's a charming man, funny and he really made the show to how popular it has been over the years. But after seeing more and more of his video rants on the news and watching videos of him drinking tigers blood and waving a machete in the air, I gets feelings of fear and worry. It's just terrible seeing him go further and further to a danger zone in his life (if he keeps up with whatever you call his behavior). But the one thing that really scares me every time I see it, is when in one of his videos, he looks like a complete mess. He's drunk, smoking, yelling and making no sense when he speaks. And the look in his eyes just tells it all to me,they say that he is (forgive my language) very pissed off and doesn't give a damn about anyone or even himself anymore. From my observations of watching video after video and hearing the reports about him, I fear that it's only going to get very worst for him, and the media isn't helping. He's very full of himself when he talks and I don't see him going to commit suicide, but what I do see happening if someone does't rush in to help him soon. He will continue to drink alcohol and smoke, and he'll die for the over-drinking and damaging his body with smoking.

        What I finding interesting as to how we look at celebrities, is that we admire them and think that they are such good people. Fans will do anything to get a picture with them and to get them to sign something for them. And we fall in love with those actors and actresses. Even little kids will look up to them as role models or inspiration (like to become a actor or actress). But when we see the harsh truth of the celebrity's life and how hard it is to watch those same actors and actresses that we come to love. We sometimes have to turn away for them because they are slowing becoming monsters in their actions. What was once love and joy that filled our TV screen has now turned to total fear. I just hope that someone does the right thing and goes and get's Sheen the help he needs badly, and to make sure that Sheen's kids are safe from the media and I hope they never see these video's of their dad.

Spring Break Journal 2

    From sunday March 6 to March 9 I'll be with my spring break with my aunt Mimi, her real name is Marie but for as long as I can remember, I have been calling her mimi and the name stayed. When I am with my aunt, we have so much fun together, she is my best friend. When my aunt and I are together or if we are talking on the phone, we can go on and on talking and making plans to do stuff. We make jokes and talk about anything thats going on with me or with her. When I come over, my aunt is happy because she has someone to go to the movies, shop and have lunch with. My aunt and I have a routine when we are out together. We usually go to the movie theater, have lunch, go shopping, then (when I go to her house to sleep over) we relax and watch TV and talk.

   The way I am engaging with my aunt is the same with how I am when I am with my mom. I can be open to talk and not have to worry for being judged and to just relax and have fun. I find it odd that sometimes I'm more open and happier being around my family than being in a group of friends. But that's just it, from my group of friends back in Florida or in CT, it's like I have to put on a new mask and act how everyone wants me to act. When I'm surrounded by my family with their love and support, I can take off my mask. I guess another reason why I like being around my family so much, is because I have been around them so much. In my family like once a month, my family comes over to our house on sunday and just talk and have dinner together, we are a close family.

   After the movie, we went to Barns and Nobles and what I observed and listened to, really shock me and scared me a little bit. I was walking around the store finding a new book, minding my own business when I heard a mother yelling at her teenage daughter (she looked like around 13 years old). Usually if a parent is yelling in the store, it's most likely just a little annoyed tone in the voice to their child that isn't listening to them. They way this mother was yelling at her daughter scared me to a point where I hid behind a shelf a books to make sure she did see me watching  her, so all I could do was listen to the anger in the woman's voice. My guess is that this family is divorce because she told her daughter "I should have left you with your father". I did not hear what happened in the beginning to make the mother so angry, but by the time I got to the store, she was anger at her daughter and telling her that she is not buying another vampire book, and that she is not going to waste money on buying a new book when she has others that she probably hasn't finished. When I did get a chance to see these people, the mother really looked annoyed and frustrated with her daughter. While the daughter was still looking at the books and surprisingly, not shaken up or upset by her mothers words. In my mind all I can think of was, if my mother yelled at me and said words like "I should have left you" or "your annoying" in a public place, I would be very silent and possible started to get tears (or just watery eyes) in my eyes.

    Another observation I made while this was taken place was that everyone was quiet in the store, after hearing them. Even though it is a book store, you can still hear people by the cafe talking or someone around the store talking to someone, but making sure not to disturb the other people in the store. But by the time I was paying for my book, that same mother and daughter were right behind me paying for whatever they decided to buy. Even in line the mother still had an angry tone in her voice. She was looking at some bookmarks and was talking as if her daughter was behind her listening, but she was looking at something else outside the line, and the mother said "I guess I'm talking to myself like a fool". I couldn't wait to get out of the store and away for this person. After all that, I guess that maybe they came to some agreement or that the mother was only buying something.

    I have a uncle that is divorce (he is remarried and happy), and his daughter Samantha goes to him somedays and the other with her mother. I don't know if the mother I saw in Barns and Nobles is divorce, but it sure looked and sounded like it. And It made worry if that would ever happen to Samantha. She is a smart girl and is having a hard time dealing with her mother, but I'm glad to see her smile and more happier with her father and his new wife. I really hope that Samantha never has this happen to her, she doesn't deserved to be yelled at. It hurts me to think how anyone can be so mean to their child, when their are other ways of dealing with a situation.

Spring Break Journal 1

    Coming back home to CT, I feel like myself again and returning to that warm welcome feeling from my family. When being on the Jetblue plane leaving Sarasota for a week, I felt like the Ringling student side of me is gone temporarily and the old self is coming back. When my friends were asking me about my plans for spring break and I told them that I was going back to the north. They thought I was crazy to go to a place that is still a little bit cold, than staying in a place like Florida where it is warm and sunny and I could go to the beach. Since freshman year, I always go home for the breaks because I love being with my family, seeing all those familiar faces and talking to them face to face than on my phone. Also our spring break lands on the week of my dad's birthday, and I always like being home for my his birthday.

     On sunday, my family came over to the house to celebrate an early birthday for my dad, and to see me. It was fun seeing everyones faces and talking to them. The last time I saw my family together at my house was on Christmas Eve, most of them are not on Facebook and I don't call them as much, compared to how much I call and talk to my parents. When my family saw me they look at me and told me that I looked good and were asking me about how I'm doing with school. I love talking to my family, I love how social we are and how active we get in our conversations. My family is Italian and I think what people think of Italian's is our food and being loud talkers, that is no lie in my family. From my observation, everyone is standing up talking to one or more people and at some point of the night, all the men would be in the living room sitting on the couch and chairs  talking about sports, and the woman would be in the dinning room just talking about one topic and then moving forward to something else. It never changes in my family, that in the beginning we are all in one room together talking, then we go into our groups of people and have separate conversations. But what brings everyone back to one conversation is when dinner is served. Then we are back to engaging in one another's conversation.

With the day done of interacting with my family, I feel I'm back to my old self. I think that when we go to different places (or new places) we show a new side of ourselves. For example, while I'm at Ringling College of Art and Design, I'm showing my artist side of me. That part of me is open to learn and ready to work on a new project. When I go back to a familiar place and be with familiar faces (my family and friends), I can relax and not stress on trying to impress others with my work or to get a good grade from a teacher. When I'm with my mom, I feel open to tell her anything and she always has good advice when I need some. When I home for the breaks, my mom likes to do stuff with me, like go shopping and have lunch, just us.

Brown Speaker Video Questions



1) How does what Brown shared relate to you in your professional life as an artist and designer? Provide details.



What Brown has mentioned in her talks relate to my professional life as a artist is when she talks about shame and how we must accept ourselves to be seen. How she talks about shame is how we all wish we were rich enough, smart enough, and pretty enough. I would always feel bad about myself when looking at myself in the mirror and seeing that I have some flaws in my body shape with not being skinny and beautiful as the other girls who has a boyfriend in their arms. But listening to Brown talk about how we learn to accept our flaws and appreciate them, reminds me that there is nothing wrong with me and people will have to accept me for who I am and what I do.

2) Brown talks about the price of invulnerability...what does she mean by NOT being vulnerable? What does vulnerability look like to you?



What vulnerability looks like to me is the fear for people saying something hurtful to my work and me. I feel that I’m always fearing the worst with my work, that I’m not making it as far as my friends who I can tell by looking at their work, they are going to make a name for themselves. For me, I feel like I’m going backwards, but I don’t give up. I keep trying to be more creative with everything that I do. So I let myself be open to creativity and open to new ideas. So while my vulnerability is half fear, the other half is the willingness to continue forward and the benefits of critique. When Brown means by Not being vulnerable, she means that doing something with no guarantees. She thinks of vulnerability as betrayal. It is the core of shame and fear. 

3) How has courage been a theme in your college experience?


For me the biggest courage is being far away from home. I’ve always been surround by family for as along as I can remember, and I have never done those sleep way camps. So going to college being detached from my family took a lot of courage, but in my heart I knew that I had to take this path in my life and discovering things on my own. True, I felt homesick for the beginning of my freshman year, but after completing a whole year on my own, I felt really good about my self and that I can handle things on my own. This was also an experience of learning how to handle things on my own, in other words learning to become an adult as well as an artist.

Another part of my courage is going into a classroom and dealing with some teachers and their harsh and hurtful words. Words that have brought tears ruining down my face from the words that the teacher has said to me “You are a junior and your work should be better than this, I don’t see your work going anywhere”. Those words hit me hard in my heart and the pain and sadness it brought to me almost made me believe those words, and wonder why Ringling College of Art & Design has chosen me to come to such a well known school. I almost thought of giving up on my dreams, but I found the courage my family and friends to wipe away my tears and to continue forward. I also like to believe that is was from talking to my older brother Dean on the phone and listening to him say that he is so proud of me and all the things I have done, even things that he never did in college. He also tells me that he see’s the growth in my art and in myself. When we were kids, we weren’t that close in sibling (we had our sibling fights, but we never had anything in common or did anything together as much), but now that we are older and hearing him say those words to me, I felt courage and life brought back into me once again and I’m so lucky to have a great brother that will always look after me.